Makers and Breakers
by earan
Summary: Their friendship hangs by a thread  but one word, just one, can cut it off for good. Snape's worst memory in Lily's POV.


Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

A/n: I'm absolutely heartbroken Harry Potter is over… I just had to write this afterwards. The title comes from a song by Daphne Loves Derby.

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**Makers and Breakers  
**_by Earan_

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It was examinations, Defense Against the Dark Arts.

The morning sun was gorgeous; as though to taunt the trapped students inside, its rays shone magnificently through the stained glass windows of the Great Hall in Hogwarts, giving the hall an aurora-like effect as different hues blanketed over a different section of the floor. The boundless enchanted sky teasing the stressed teenagers with beautiful weather that clearly did not reflect how they felt; many of them sat on their chairs with their backs bent at a straight, 90-degree angle, their noses almost touching their parchment as they furiously scribbled answers. A few wrote calmly, and an even rare fewer looked completely relaxed, perhaps two of the students in the entire Great Hall leaning back on their chairs, looking bored. Lily, however, was not part of the latter, and stared contemptuously at James Potter and Sirius Black, who were, with (although Lily could not see it, only pictured on their faces) smug expressions as they waited for others to finish with a sense of superiority.

She stole another glance at the only question she has put off in her exam, and groaned as she re-read it and again, the answer did not come to her:

_Describe the famous jinx Hugh Higpunt used accidentally during the False Plague Era in 1346 A.D. Be sure to include the different methods used to conjure the jinx, as well as the common cures for minor disorders in which they are used for. (6)_

Frustrated, Lily ran her hands through her thick, red hair and looked up at the enchanted sky. 6 points for this worthless question … the name sounded vaguely familiar; she knew she had passed by the name dismissively that morning while cramming the last bit of the pages she never finished reading last night. When the enchanted sky did not inspire answers that she hoped she would receive, Lily sighed and looked around the Great Hall. She was not the only one that seemed frustrated; her best friend Mary was also scanning the hall and winked at her when they caught each others' eye, and Lily returned the gesture with a small smile.

A few seats from her sat Severus in such deep concentration that his dark, matted hair fell to the sides of his face, clinging onto the side of his desk with his hand as though he was about to fall over from the sheer impact of his hard writing. A pang of envy erupted within Lily and she could picture his face contorted into complete focus, his paper crammed with tiny words as he tried to fit in all of his explanations. The corners of Lily's mouth twitched in amusement. At that exact moment, James, who sat a little further along, turned around. The two looked at each other for a split second, and then James wiggled his eyebrows. Disgusted, Lily looked back down.

More to seem like she was doing something just in case Potter was watching her than actually wanting to answer the question, Lily began to write, in her idea, the most far-fetched answer she could think of:

_Hugh Higpunt, during the False Plague Era, conjured the Body-Bind Jinx accidentally while he attempted to wrap bandages around his broken leg._

Instantly, Lily scowled and was about to start her answer again, when Professor Flitwick's voice (despite the squeakiness of it) made her jump.

'Quills down, please! That means you too, Stebbins!'

Jane Stebbins, seated three seats away from Lily, almost fell off her seat at this unexpected address and threw her quill onto her desk as though it was on fire.

'Please remain seated while I collect your parchments! _Accio_!'

Hundreds of parchments shot off desks and tiny Flitwick had no chance; he had his arms outstretched and looked ready to catch them steadily, but as the parchments rolled into neat scrolls, the impact of it shoved Flitwick off of the desk he stood on. The Great Hall erupted into laughter and Lily glared at the boy next to her, who had guffawed rather loudly. Feeling like she should help, Lily ran to the front with a few other students (aware that a few pairs of eyes were on her rather amused), and grabbed Flitwick beneath his the elbows and pulled him up.

'Thank you, thank you…' he said, slightly out of breath. Trying to play off this undignified moment, he made a motion with his hands dismissing his helpers. 'Very well, everybody, you're free to go!'

Lily, flipping her long hair out of her eyes, passed James on the way to her desk, but he did not look up at her as she came; he was crossing something out on his exam rather hastily. No doubt it was some sort of cheat note he did not want the marker to see.

Severus rose from his seat and almost collided into Lily.

'Trying to run me down?' she said jokingly, but Severus did not take the joke; he gave a forced, awkward smile. Feeling a bit hurt, Lily grabbed her bag upon her desk and walked out of the Great Hall as quick as possible, so as to not give James Potter a chance to harass her.

'Lily, wait!' A voice called. 'Lily!'

She turned around at the doors to see Marcia hurry up beside her, looking rather beaten; the ends of her hair was sticking out at wild ends as though she had just run a marathon.

'My _God_,' Marcia cried out dramatically, shaking her head. 'That was the hardest one yet! I swear, I won't be surprised at all if I get a _Dreadful_ on that one; I told my mum not to expect much from my Defense Against the Dark Arts mark…'

'You went straight to sleep yesterday after dinner when you should've been studying,' Lily retorted, but with a smile nonetheless.

'Yeah, but can't blame me, can you? It wasn't just me. Loads of other people were complaining that the food yesterday made them sleepy. Lily,' she said, eyes widening as though a sudden realization struck her, 'what if the house-elves spiked our dinner last night?'

Lily burst out laughing. 'I think they had to use an ingredient that' _also_ used to make a sleeping potion. I doubt house elves would spike our food, anyway… why _would_ they?'

Marcia frowned at her. 'Uh, because Hogwarts' house elves are the worst to be treated in Britain? I won't be surprised at allif one day they come up with a rebellion or a strike, or something… it's only a matter of time, you know…'

The two discussed radical theories of what the house elves of Hogwarts were planning as they made their way outside the castle to the courtyard, neither of them aware that they were unconsciously walking towards the edge of the lake where the giant squid was claimed to reside in. Lily threw down her bag and sat down on the grass comfortably, spotting Severus on the other side. She half-raised her arm to wave at him, but noticed that he was deeply engrossed in the paper he had in his hands. James Potter and his friends, as well, had conveniently chosen to sit across from Lily and Marcia.

They were soon joined by their two roommates, who looked equally as stressed as Marcia.

'Just look at where Lily chose to sit,' said Mary, annoyance biting her voice, as she dropped down beside Lily. 'Across from her two lovers, no doubt. A ball of grease and a ball of… well,' Mary paused thoughtfully, watching James Potter play with his Snitch across the sparkling waters. 'The other one might as well just _be_ a ball.'

'_Lovers_?!' Lily exclaimed indignantly. 'One's a friend and the other – I _hate _him!'

'Sure, right,' said Mary, distracted. Lily swelled with anger.

'Well _anyway_,' interrupted Vanessa, before Lily had a chance to retort, 'how'd you guys do on your exams? I totally killed it, except for question 89 – it was something about Gero the Great and the defensive jinx he used in '76…'

'It was the Jelly-Leg Jinx, he was the first goblin to have ever used it,' replied Mary, throwing a Bernie Bott's Every Flavour Bean into the air and catching it in her mouth, 'and then you had to explain a bunch of stuff about goblin jinxes. At least, that's what I – _ugh_, caramel!'

'I didn't get the one with Hugh Higpunt and the False Plague Era,' said Lily. She grabbed her _A History of Defense_ from her backpack and flipped the pages quickly, hoping to find the answer on a random page. 'I read it just this morning but I only wrote rubbish, Flitwick is gonna laugh when he marks my answer.'

Marcia frowned. 'Flitwick isn't marking them. They send our OWLs to the Markers in the Department of Magical Education. It's all anonymous.'

'_Markers_? I've never heard of them. How do you know?' Vanessa inquired, a curious expression dawning her features.

Marcia nodded her head towards a group of Ravenclaw boys sitting not too far away from them. 'Ray Chang told me. His dad's one of them.'

'Did any of you guys get all five signs for that werewolf question?' Mary asked, and Lily's stomach squirmed as it did a somersault.

'_I'm telling you, they're up to something fishy – every full moon, don't you notice that? Lily, I think… I think he's a werewolf…'_

'– and then the shape of the snout; I wouldn't be surprised at allif everyone managed to get that one, that was obvious,' finished Marcia, reaching over to take a bean from Mary's box. 'What about you, Lily? Um, Lily? _Lily_!'

Lily had spaced out for a moment, recalling on a conversation she had had with Severus a few years ago… and jumped, startled, when Marcia snapped her fingers in front of her.

'I'm – sorry, what'd you say?' She asked lamely.

Mary grinned mischievously. 'Five Galleons that she was daydreaming about Potter and Snape.'

Lily narrowed her eyes, but did not respond. Her three friends continued to talk about questions they had missed on the exam, but Lily's mind was focused on Severus.

They had not had a proper conversation for a long time now, because her friends rarely allowed it. She knew their friendship was gradually beginning to fade, as their conversations became more of a ritual greeting, and the harder she tried to fight the fact that they were drifting, the more it seemed that Severus was trying to allow it to happen.

They had used to go on Hogsmeade trips on the weekends together, she remembered… but as they grew, he was the one who initiated the drift. He had abandoned her one weekend to go to the village with Avery and Mulciber, and she remembered waiting for them in their usual spot, only to have waited for half the day… and as the three returned, Severus looked sorry, but did not come up to her to apologize… instead, he passed by her as though he did not know her, pretending not to see the hurt she knew was etched on her face, carrying on a cheerful conversation with the two Slytherin boys she detested…

Lily had not forgotten their first, real argument concerning Severus' friends. It was only a few months ago, when Lily had come up to her dorm, expecting her friends ready to go to their next lesson – but they were all huddled on Mary's bed, Mary sobbing… this image alone terrified her; she _never_ cried, she was the tough one – something was definitely wrong…

'Mary?' She asked tentatively, walking over to the foot of her bed. 'What's wrong? What happened?'

Marcia, who had her arm around Mary, looked up with a grim expression. Vanessa looked as though she had thrown up.

'What happened?' Lily repeated, and she still remembered the fear just before Vanessa had answered.

'That… that _prat_… Michael Mulciber… and Ryan Avery, they tried to, to –'

Vanessa choked, unable to continue, her face drained of colour.

'They threw Mary down the Entrance Hall stairs,' continued Marcia angrily. 'Not physically, they used magic. It was dark magic, I know it was… it was like someone invisible grabbed her from the air and – and… and threw her…'

Lily walked around the edge of the bed, and she saw Mary's sobbing, scarlet face. Her arms bore bruises.

'My goodness, _Mary_… I…' She touched her arm tenderly. 'What happened to Avery and Mulciber?'

'Dumbledore caught them, he was _furious_… but I heard that they got detentions and they're not allowed to go to Hogsmeade trips for the rest of the year. If you ask me, that's not enough. That wasn't a normal jinx, but the Slytherins thought it was awfully funny…'

'It was – it was _horrible_! When it g-grabbed me… I felt like… I was being burnt when it t-touched me!' Mary sobbed, tears pouring down from her eyes. When Lily looked closer, her arms not only had bruises, but scorch marks.

'Lily, I know you're friends with that Snape and everything,' said Vanessa, moved by Mary's pain. 'But it's absolutely ridiculous, how you still like him.' The look she had given Lily was almost as though she blamed her for what happened to Mary, and the calm anger in her tone hurt more than anything else.

Lily had intended to confront Severus that evening after dinner, but she had not seen him at the Slytherin table. It was odd, because it was the mysterious day of the month when James Potter and his three friends disappeared as well, and she wondered…

The next morning, Lily tried to comfort Mary. Her scorch marks had begun to pain her even worse. This woke up Marcia, who began to argue with Lily.

'You need to stop associating yourselves with people like Snape, Lily! He's just _awful_, look at this!' Marcia grabbed Mary's arm to show Lily the painful burnt marks, which looked as though they may begin to bleed at any moment. 'It's bad enough that you're a Gryffindor and he's a Slytherin, but he and his friends are just_ evil_. You know what happened last night? It was all over the school, after you went up to bed early. Snape followed Potter and his friends to the Whomping Willow! _Yeah_!' She added, when Lily gasped in shock. 'I don't know why in the world they would dream of going there, but they met up with something _horrible_ in the tunnel. And you know what Potter did? He saved Snape! Potter risked his own life to save him! And I saw him, that ungrateful git, Snape walked into the Great Hall looking _furious_. Why, I wonder? I wouldn't be surprised at _all_ that it was because he's too proud, he's too much of a self-conceited _Slytherin_! That's the type of people you're associating with! That's the type of people who think it's funny to _burn_ other people's arms!'

Marcia was so furious with Lily that she had nothing to retort with. She felt as though she was in no position to argue back; after all, Lily felt the same way, ever since Severus began to abandon her. But she had not brought this up to anybody.

Lily found Severus alone at breakfast. She seated herself far from James Potter so he would not greet her with his usual attempt to ask her out, but she had noticed he and his friends looked shaken. This only confirmed the rumour must be true. Severus looked oddly white as well. With no intention to confront Severus early in the morning, Lily left the hall.

'Lily! Wait, Lily!'

She whipped around, anger rising like a merciless monster in her chest as she heard Severus' voice. She met his gaze and made sure to channel all her anger into her eyes. 'What do you want?'

Severus looked shocked.

'Why –?'

'I feel like I don't ever want to see your face again, Sev. _No_, I've had it!' Lily shouted, stopping him from interrupting. The indignation of his abandonment and his attempt to drift from her… no, she had had enough. She wasn't going to be pushed around. 'I'm not going to let you walk all over me! How can you _be_ like that, Sev? How can you abandon me?'

She was walking fast, dark red hair whipping into her face against the wind, trying to lose Severus, but he was determined to walk alongside of her. They both turned the corner into the castle courtyard.

'What are you talking about?'

'_Don't _pretend like you don't know, Severus…'

'I really don't. Just tell me. Why are you keeping this in, I thought we told each other everything! I thought we were friends. _Best_ friends.'

The words struck Lily hard, and she stopped. Severus, who had been walking behind her, almost bumped into her.

'We are, Sev…' Lily said, a sadness crawling inside of her and temporarily pushing her anger out. 'But I don't like some of the people you're hanging around with. I'm sorry, but I detest Avery and Mulciber! _Mulciber!_' She emphasized his name, hoping to goad Severus into apologizing on behalf of his friend, but he did not respond. Furious, Lily threw her arms in the air and leaned against a nearby pillar. 'What do you see in him, Sev? He's _creepy_. Do you know what he tried to do to Mary Macdonald the other day?' Lily asked, gazing at him and becoming angry once more.

Light seemed to dawn on Severus' features, and he looked defeated like a beaten dog.

'That was nothing; it was a laugh, that's all…'

Lily had not thought she would feel even angrier, but she had. 'It was dark magic,' she said through gritted teeth. 'And if you think that's funny –'

'What about the stuff Potter and his mates get up to?' shouted Snape suddenly. Lily was completely thrown off by this, but she knew he had contained this jealousy for a long time… every time James had harassed her, Severus, all the way on the other side at the Slytherin table, looked livid…

Pretending not to be aware, she asked coolly, 'What's Potter got to do with anything?'

'They sneak out at night. There's something weird about that Lupin. Where does he keep going?'

Lily had wondered this too… the four of them mysteriously disappeared once a month, but she had not bothered to look into the issue any further. The last thing she wanted to do was involve herself in Potter's life. 'He's ill. They say he's ill.'

'_Every_ month at the full moon?'

'I know your theory,' said Lily harshly, in a final tone of voice. 'Why are you so obsessed with them, anyway? Why do _you_ care what they're doing at night?'

'I'm just trying to show you they're not as wonderful as everyone seems to think they are.'

Silence fell, and Severus stared hard at Lily. She felt her cheeks burn with crimson, avoiding his hard gaze and staring at the ground. Feebly, she whispered, 'They don't use Dark Magic, though.'

Snape scoffed.

'And you're being really ungrateful. I heard what happened the other night. You went sneaking down that tunnel by the Whomping Willow and James Potter saved you from whatever's down there.'

'Saved? _Saved_?' Severus bellowed, and for once he looked angrier than Lily. 'You think he was playing the _hero_? He was saving his neck and his friends' too! You're not going to – I won't let you –'

'Let me?' Lily repeated, her eyes burning green. '_Let_ me?'

The ferocity of her voice made Severus take a step back from her.

'I didn't mean – I just don't want to see you made a fool of –' He said quickly, rather lamely. 'He… he fancies you. James Potter fancies you! And he's not… Everyone thinks… Big Quidditch hero…'

Lily saw the defeat in Severus' face, the jealousy turning into a saddened envy. She knew this, of course. Underneath James' irritating attitude and his constant attempts to ask her out, she knew underneath that all, James really did care for her. Severus knew this, as well. Pity overtook her as her shoulders dropped slightly.

'I know James Potter's an arrogant toerag,' said Lily. 'I don't need _you_ to tell me that. But Mulciber and Avery's idea of humour is just evil. _Evil_, Sev…' She thought of Mary's scorch marks. 'I don't understand how you can be friends with them.'

Severus had not responded, but Lily had not continued to pursue the topic. It had been their first real argument, the first sign that the two were bound to head for different paths. Since then, the two had had shaky moments in which they went a week, at most, of not even acknowledging each others' existence. They tried hard to stay friends, but after Mary healed completely, her friends made it difficult for her by forcing her many times to choose between them and Severus.

Overtime, that had died. Somewhere along their friendships, Lily's friends realized that she was not simply going to drop Severus – and tried a different method by bashing _him_ instead, teasing him endlessly, calling him Lily's lover, more to annoy her into cutting him off. But Lily and Severus had officially begun to drift, and they, noticing this, stopped their bashing. It was, Lily thought, the only good thing that came out of her and Severus' drift. Occasionally though, they let it slip, and it angered Lily tremendously, because rather than it annoying her, it only reminded her of her and Severus' breaking friendship.

She wondered herself why she still cared.

'…that the vertebrae makes it more difficult to Vanish an animal,' recited Vanessa from the book resting in her laps. She looked up at Lily, who took no notice that Lily had been spacing out the entire time. 'Do you already know it?'

'Uh, yeah – the theory?' Lily said. She cleared her throat. 'I know it, but that doesn't make it any easier to actually do it.'

'I heard McGonagall's exams are easy, though,' replied Marcia, and lay back on the grass. 'I say, you guys are stressing yourselves over it more than you should.'

'Guys, I've _never _been able to Vanish anything my entire life. I never even practised! I'm totally doomed for the Transfigurations exams…' Mary complained. She stared oddly at Lily, who began to feel a little violated with her hard stare, but Lily realized Mary was staring at something behind her. She turned around.

Across the lake, James Potter and Sirius Black stood over Severus with their wands raised, who seemed to be lying on the ground on his stomach against his will. The two boys were laughing rather loudly, and James was looking at them – particularly Lily – from across the lake. Lily glared at him, although she was unsure whether he saw it.

'C'mon,' whispered Mary, containing her excitement, standing up quickly and following the crowd to watch the spectacle with Marcia. Vanessa, however, remained sitting beside Lily, looking apprehensive.

'…grease marks all over it, they won't be able to read a word…' Sirius' voice carried across the waters, and the crowd roared with laughter. Severus made a great effort to stand up, but couldn't. Furious, Lily stood up suddenly, running into the crowd, ignoring Vanessa's calls.

Lily fought through the crowd, many whom were disgustingly reluctant to let her pass through to the front. She heard Severus swear and curse hexes, and prayed that he would not do anything stupid…

'Wash out your mouth,' she heard James say. '_Scourgify_!'

Lily found herself at the very front of the crowd, James' and Sirius' backs to Lily, and Severus gagging and choking a few feet from her, soap bubbles constricting his throat –

'Leave him _alone_!' She screamed the words before she had thought them, the thought of Severus choking slowly to death horrifying to her as the fact that they had not spoken like real friends before this…

'All right, Evans?' James said, his tone taking a sudden, deeper tone. Lily felt livid.

'Leave him alone. What's he done to you?' She looked down at Severus' pathetic figure and suddenly became furious towards him. _I'm defending you, Sev, something you've never done for me!_

'Well, it's more the fact that he exists, if you know what I mean…'

Lily recoiled in shock at such a cruel statement, but the crowd found it extremely funny. She looked down at Severus again, now feeling an overwhelming sense of pity, and she wanted to run up to him and help him stand, hug him, apologize, and promise him that she would work to re-patch their friendship – but she stood still, unable to move. Her anger at James paralysed her feet to the ground.

'You think you're funny, but you're just an arrogant, bullying toerag, Potter.' Lily said in a calm, threatening voice. 'Leave him _alone_.'

For a moment, it was as though Severus, neither Sirius, nor the crowd was there; she and James stood straight, green to hazel eyes, Lily furious, James with great interest. The silence only lasted two seconds, as James broke it: 'I will if you go out with me, Evans. Go on… go out with me and I'll never lay a wand on old Snivelly again.'

A disgusted noise left Lily. How _dare_ he attack someone defenceless, leave them there on the ground to choke on soap bubbles, and ask the most _conceited_ –!

Severus choked, but no one took notice. The spell was beginning to unwind, and Lily eyed him carefully as Severus began to crawl with difficulty towards his fallen wand.

'I wouldn't go out with you if it was a choice between you and the giant squid,' she answered simply.

For one split second, James looked crestfallen and hurt, and this made Lily's stomach squirm… did she really have that kind of power over him? – But he recovered quickly as though the look had never befallen him.

'Bad luck, Prongs,' comforted Sirius. He looked down at Severus. 'OI!'

It happened so quickly, but Severus grabbed his wand and a shot of light burst from its tip; it grazed past James and the moment it did, Lily let out a scream and instantly covered her mouth with her hands; blood shot from the fresh cut in James' face onto his robes.

Wasting no time, James spun around and the next moment, Severus dangled upside-down in the air. His robes fell past his face and his grey underpants and his bare, skinny legs were exposed for the crowd to see; the grounds were filled with a rapturous laughter that Lily thought she would lose her hearing. She stared up at him, horrified. There was a split second in which Lily almost felt like laughing, and she would've if this shame wasn't brought on in front of a crowd and by James Potter, of all people. Severus caught her eye, and she saw the humiliation shining in his eyes… but there was something else there, as though he desperately wanted her to leave, to not see him in his most shameful moment…

'Let him down!' Lily screamed. A few spectators booed her, but she did not care.

James shrugged. 'Certainly,' he said, flicking his wand. Severus dropped to the ground instantly, but fought his huge robes to stand up. As soon as he did, he had his wand out, but Sirius acted quicker.

'_Petrificus Totalus_!' He screamed, and Severus fell over, stiff, onto the ground again.

'LEAVE HIM ALONE!' That was enough for Lily as something massive exploded inside her, and tears threatened to blur her vision, but she would not let them… Had they not humiliated him _enough_? She whipped out her own wand from her robes and pointed it at James and Sirius, who looked at her with sudden caution.

'Ah, Evans,' said James softly. 'Don't make me hex you…'

_Do it, hex me,_ thought Lily daringly, but different words escaped her mouth: 'Take the curse off him, then!'

She had not actually thought James would listen, but with a heavy sigh, he turned to Severus and muttered the counter-curse. There was an immediate effect; Severus stood up with pure loathing in his eyes, at James, at Sirius, at the crowd – and at Lily…

'There you go,' said James in a bored tone. 'You're lucky Evans was here, Snivellus…'

'I don't need help from filthy little Mudbloods like her!'

It felt like a hard, ironed punch to Lily's stomach, and she did not believe that the words had come out of Severus' mouth. She looked at him, frenzied and desperate, but the look of instant regret confirmed that Severus was the one, who had indeed, spoken them. _It's over_, a voice inside her head spoke. She felt such anger, such hurt, and she knew her green eyes were showing it, because Severus looked more regretful than he ever had in his life. It was over… gone, in a second, Lily's feelings towards Severus vanished and replaced by a sinking feeling... their friendship had been hanging by a very loose thread for so long, but this truly told her where Severus' path lay, and it wasn't alongside hers.

She wanted to stand there and let the tears take over, but she had no idea what made her stand calmly in front of practically the entire school. Perhaps this was the courage the Sorting Hat saw in her…

'Fine,' replied Lily, staring hard at Severus. 'I won't bother in the future.' _It means this is over._ 'And I'd wash your pants if I were you, _Snivellus._'

Severus looked like she had thrown a brick at him. Never, she had ever called him that, but she knew the effect it had – Lily knew, that expression on his face, that he knew as well that they were done.

'Apologise to Evans!' James shouted, and for all of his shouting throughout the spectacle, there was true anger only now. He had his wand pointed at Severus, but Severus could not care less about James' threat; his eyes were purely on Lily.

'I don't want _you_ to make him apologise; you're as bad as he is!' Lily exclaimed. She had said what she denied to Severus all these years, that she did not think of Severus to be on James' level… but now he was, maybe even lower… how _could _he? After all these years, after their memories – how could he slowly begin to abandon her, and confirm it through the word he used on her family, her friends, but never on her? But she knew now; his accidental slip told her more than his carefully spoken words ever did.

'What?' James' shriek brought her back harshly out of her thoughts. 'I'd never call you a – _you-know-what_!'

He had refused to use the word. Her eyes darted from him to Severus. Her eyes looked so ferocious and dangerous; Severus saw this, and bent his head down to stare at the ground. At this, Lily felt even angrier… _At least have the decency to _look _at me after you insult me! I deserve better than that!_

But Severus did not look up. Instead, Lily turned to James, the rage she had held against Severus for so many months storming out of her at him before she could stop it, she needed to tell somebody off: 'Messing up your hair because you think it looks cool to look like you've just got off your broomstick, showing off with that stupid Snitch, walking down corridors and hexing anyone who annoys you just because you can – I'm surprised your broomstick can get off the ground with that fat head on it. You make me _sick_.'

With that, Lily immediately turned around and fought her way through the crowd again, not bothering to hide the torrent of tears that she could no longer put a barrier against. She heard James call her, but she did not dare to turn back around… how _could_ he? How could he have said it so simply… like it meant nothing to him? Like it meant nothing to _her_?

Vanessa rushed up to her and put an arm around her, not knowing exactly why she was consoling Lily, but the gesture only made Lily cry harder.

'I'm s-sorry, can you just… bring my st-stuff when you guys c-come up?' She said, hiccoughing through her sobs. Without waiting for an answer, Lily ran inside the castle and up the Entrance Hall steps, ignoring the greetings from random students who walked past her. She wasn't aware where her feet were taking her, but she was not going up to the Gryffindor Tower; instead, Lily turned into the second floor and hid inside a broom closet, savouring the isolation within the darkness.

Lily did not know for how long she was inside the broom closet; she had fallen asleep, thinking of Severus' betrayal, the end of their friendship… she had drifted off, wanting to become part of the darkness, feeling empty yet heavy at the same time…

The door burst open so suddenly that Lily thought a dungbomb had gone off; she looked up wearily at James Potter, whose tall figure was silhouetted by a faint glow from the chandelier lights in the hallway. He was holding a map in his hand, tapped it with his wand as he murmured something, and folded it into four's. Lily looked up at him curiously with no regard for his map as he pocketed it in his robe.

'What do you want, Potter?' She asked quietly, although inside she was surprised that he of all people had found her.

James shrugged. 'Well, half the school is looking for you; it's nightfall… all your friends are worried, McGonagall, teachers… _Snivellus_,' he added sourly.

Lily looked down at her lap. 'Don't call him that.'

'Sorry,' said James, and he sounded genuine. 'But _he_ called you a… a _you-know-what_.'

'I know,' she replied, 'but I won't stoop to _his _level.'

'But you called him Snivellus, too,' James said, but there was no accusation in his voice, only fact.

Lily shrugged her shoulders. She suddenly felt apathetic about everything around her.

James extended a hand for her to take, but she did not take it. 'Just leave me alone, Potter,' she said, defeated.

'If I leave you here, you might get attacked by Filch's cat or something… I'm not kidding,' said James seriously, when Lily's lips twitched as she forced herself not to smile at the image of James being attacked by a cat. 'Worm – Peter hid himself in a broom closet on the fifth floor one time, came back to our dorm with scratches all down the side of his face and arm. He kept wailing that it hurt real bad, but he's a little drama queen so you never know…'

More to shut James up than anything, Lily took his hand. He helped her stand up and the two left the stuffy broom closet; Lily tasted fresh air as the two climbed the moving staircases on their way to the Gryffindor Tower.

'So why were you hiding yourself in a broom closet?' James asked.

'That's none of your business,' said Lily coldly, remembering that only hours ago James humiliated Severus in a way no one should've had to have been humiliated.

'Touchy, touchy…'

'You are a big _prat_… show-off with _no_ remorse whatsoever… how could you_ do_ something like that – humiliate them like that, just to show off? You have no conscience!'

'I'm sorry,' said James, his mouth twitching slightly.

'I'm not interested.'

'No, really! I'm sorry. You were…' He paused, as though the next words would cost him a great deal. 'You were _right_. I _am_ a show-off, I know I am… but I shouldn't have done that, not even to Snivellus. I never meant for it to get that far, it just… slipped, the whole thing, I got carried away. _Really_ carried away.'

Lily glanced at him for a second, but James indeed seemed genuine about his apology. She couldn't understand his desperate need to have her understand that he was truly sorry, nor his great need for attention from others that he would stretch to cruel lengths for it, like he needed approval… but many times when they were alone together, James seemed… _normal_. Tolerant. Even sweet, sometimes, as he had just demonstrated by being the only one who found her in the broom closet. It seemed impossible that he could never be capable of what he had done this afternoon.

The two walked to the portrait of the Fat Lady in silence. Lily was unsure whether James thought it was awkward, because he kept fidgeting, but Lily was in deep thought. She could not understand why Severus hated James so; she couldn't understand why she herself hated him. Or did she? She disguised her irritation with him and his friends with a hatred for them, and Lily had to admit, a hatred she never actually felt. She felt pity for James, just as she felt pity for Severus being choked by soap bubbles, because he was bound by a constant need of approval from others… her supposed hatred that she blatantly announced to James constantly only encouraged this in James, and she knew it was unhealthy to encourage a need of approval and attention from others in anybody… and then, Lily realized, it was mainly her who egged on James' attitude because of his crush on her, that the reason for his harassment and always trying to impress her was her fault, because by ignoring it, she simply pushed James to try harder…

Then, if Lily gave him a break, would his attitude change?

'_Mallivius_,' said James to the Fat Lady, who nodded and swung her portrait to reveal the portrait hole. He stepped aside to allow Lily to crawl in first.

'Don't be staring at my ass now, Potter,' scolded Lily, and crawled in.

'Too late, one can't help it; you know, you _do_ have a ni –'

'_Potter_! What did I say?'

'I'm only joking!'

The two of them crawled out of the hole and were met with a warm, cozy air that mainly radiated from the fire in the fireplace. The common room was empty.

Lily looked up at James. 'Thanks, Potter,' she said with a softened voice she had never used with him. James looked relatively surprised, but he managed to reply with a 'Goodnight' as Lily climbed up the stairs to her dormitory.

Lily had expected to find all of her friends asleep, but Mary was awake, sitting in her bed and reading a book, which she had never seen Mary do before she went to sleep. Mary looked up at her as though she had been waiting for her.

'Hey,' greeted Lily quietly. 'Why aren't you asleep yet?'

'Mainly worried like mad about where you were,' Mary replied coldly. 'Half of the staff is looking for you. I was supposed to stay up and go tell McGonagall if you came back.'

'Oh,' said Lily, with a sinking feeling. She had not realized how many people she had worried, or how many hours she had exactly spent sleeping in the broom closet. 'I'm sorry.'

'Doesn't matter,' bit Mary. 'Oh, and Snape is outside the Gryffindor Tower, too. Didn't you see him on the way? He looked like he was waiting for you.' She sounded bitter. 'He threatened to sleep outside the tower if I didn't get you. I told him you weren't back yet, so he's there, waiting.'

Lily gave a heavy sigh of exasperation. 'Seriously?'

Mary shrugged her shoulders and got off her bed. 'I have to go to McGonagall… you might want to go to Snape and tell him to bugger off. I don't want to go downstairs to breakfast and find him sleeping in front of our tower.'

Mary left the dorm, but Lily was in no hurry to meet Severus. She remembered why she had even fallen asleep in the broom closet in the first place. The hurt boiled freshly in her chest, threatening to swallow her whole, but she would not let it… she had to remain strong… she couldn't fret over a friendship that was not meant to work out. Slowly, Lily drew the curtains around her section of the dorm, and changed into her dressing gowns. She looked out the long window and noticed that the lights in Hagrid's hut had gone out at that moment. He, too, was getting ready to sleep.

Feeling exasperated, Lily left the dorm as silently as possible. Just as she had prayed, there was no one in the common room. Quietly, she slipped through the portrait hole, and looked up and down the hallway – Severus was nowhere to be found. Frowning, Lily walked down the hall and turned the corner, and Severus was there, leaning against the wall with his eyes closed.

'Severus,' said Lily loudly, and he fumbled awake, standing up immediately.

'Lily, I – I was waiting for you, I looked for you everywhere, I wanted to tell you –'

'Severus,' Lily interrupted, narrowing her eyes at him. 'It's done, between us. We aren't friends anymore. You've made sure you saw to that and there's nothing you can say that'll make that any better.' The anger in her voice broke as the hurt threatened to overtake it, but Lily stood her ground.

'I'm sorry…' Severus said shamefully, looking into her eyes with a dejected expression.

'I'm not interested,' she answered briskly.

'I'm sorry!' Severus repeated, desperation creeping into his voice.

'Save your breath!' Lily exclaimed with indignation. She wasn't going to let him convince her with his excuses, the ones she had believed for so long, that underneath his lonely exterior, he was a good person underneath. But now, she wasn't so sure, and that scared her.

'Look, I never meant to call you Mudblood, it just –'

'Slipped out?' She said, echoing James. She was finding it uncanny how this argument was similar to the one she had with James moments ago. 'It's too late. I've made excuses for you for years. None of my friends can understand why I even talk to you. You and your precious Death Eater friends…'

Lily paused, giving Severus a chance to defend himself, to call it an accusation, but he remained silent.

'See!' She cried, throwing up her arms in the air. 'You don't even deny it! You don't even deny that's what you're all aiming to be! You can't wait to join You-Know-Who, can you?'

The rumours Lily had heard from her friends, she had refused to believe them… sure, she knew there was a dark, evil wizard out there, framing and killing and terrorizing… and some students, mostly Slytherins, were praising his ways. At first, she had believed it to be some sort of sick joke, but no – they were quite serious, and horrified to find out that Severus was one of them. But Lily had never brought this up to him, because she felt that if neither she nor he brought it up, it was as though Severus was never a part of that.

Lily didn't notice Severus opening his mouth slightly to reply, but he had no answer. This only infuriated her further. She had to wrap this up… she never wanted to see upon his face ever again.

'I can't pretend anymore. You've chosen your way, I've chosen mine.'

'No, listen –' Severus was panicking as Lily made a movement to turn around. 'I didn't mean –'

'– to call me Mudblood?' She said coldly, making sure to bore her eyes into his own; this would be the last time he would ever truly look into her eyes. 'But you call everyone of my birth Mudblood, Severus. Why should I be any different?'

Severus was struggling. It was clear that he could not summon an honest response that was good enough for her. Lily turned back and walked back to the portrait hole, not daring to turn around to catch one last glance at Severus as she disappeared, who stood amazed and wounded.

Lily was thankful Mary had not returned; that night, her tears lulled her into a slow and painful sleep, burying her head deep into her pillow as though that would bury her memories with Severus out of her mind.

**A/n:** Reviews with your thoughts, constructive criticisms, and anything else would be greatly appreciated. Thanks to those who pointed out the typos and the mistakes; they've been fixed :)


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